THE ELECTRONIC NATIONAL
an online version of the Tim Slagle newsletter
vol. I #4 Forecast: Nostalgic
vol. I #4 Forecast: Nostalgic
Contents:
he Democratic
convention was here in town. Bill Clinton dubbed his campaign the
Twenty First Century Express. I wonder if he knows that the 21st
century doesn’t start until the year 2001. Barring the repeal of
the 22nd amendment, he will only be president for the first 20 days of
the 21st century.
And how did the 21st century express travel? The first leg of the trip was made by rail. Train travel is a quaint 18th century invention made obsolete by the 19th century invention of the horseless carriage, and the 20th century invention, of the Aero-plane. The train was seven hours late into Michigan City. Anyone who’s ever traveled on Amtrak can tell you that’s way ahead of schedule. Because he was pretty certain he was going to get the nomination, he had to hire a helio-copter (mid 20th century) for the last leg of the trip, otherwise he would have missed his own party.
After accepting the nomination, (and apologizing for Dick Morris) the 21st century express got onto a Bus (early 20th century) to go and meet the real people. I don’t know many people who take trains and busses anymore. Jet travel (mid 20th century) has become so affordable that trains and busses are pretty much reserved for students, newly released prisoners, and European tourists. With his choice of transportation Bill Clinton has definitely marked his demographic as the unwashed.
The Wicker Park Social Anarchists enjoyed the convention. They tried their darndest to get some kind of movement going. They started practicing their drum beating in the park weeks before. There’s nothing these kids would like better that to get beat up by the cops and get on national tee-vee. I remember those kind of dreams. Unfortunately they will never get more than a small cluster of protesters. The 1968 riots happened because a lot of kids were scared they might have to go to Viet-Nam. Those protesters have been pretty silent about war since they passed draft age. You need something like that fear to unify a group.
The social anarchists here are unified by their poverty. They see it as injustice that they aren’t making the kind of cash their old college buddies are. It’s probably their own fault for getting that Art degree instead of an MBA. Maybe instead of a minor in Political Science they should have taken automotive repair. It kills them to think their parents were right when they said they would never get a job with a degree like that.
They had a Rally on the 27th and a march on the 29th. The costumes were great, they had a marvelous Mardi Gras flavor (and mom and dad said they were wasting time and money in art school). Both events were well attended by Chicago’s finest and seeing as the uniforms were easily outnumbered by cameras, no incident ever occurred. Every time a cop would start shoving, he would be surrounded by video cameras. The Anarchists were really hoping to get some good footage of a protester being pummeled with riot sticks. (A note of advice: if you want some good footage of a brother being beaten, you have to hide the video camera until after the beating starts.)
The social event of the week was the thrown by the Editor-and-Hunk of George Magazine, John-John Bouvier-Kennedy. George Magazine rented the Art Institute for an “awesome” bash, and all the important democrats were “in the house”. I think somebody better tell John-John to cool it or the Kennedy fortune won’t last another generation. I don’t know anyone who’s ever read a single issue of George Magazine. It can’t be solvent. John-John and Sis already held a garage sale. John-John doesn’t have a clue how to make cash like grandpa did, and Caroline can’t stomach the kind of men mommy did. So to maintain the lifestyle, they turned their family heirlooms into collectibles. “Step right up ladies and gentlemen and looky what we have here. A pretty little pink dress with grey spots, only worn once on a sunny day in Dallas, how much do I hear?”
On the Saturday before the convention there was a knock on Headquarters door. I immediately assumed it was some religious nut hoping to catch a sinner in the midst of a very repentant headache. There’s something about an “I’ll never drink again” hangover that leaves you quite susceptible to religious conversion. I think that’s why they pick early Saturday morning to pay their visits. I always enjoy them. They never expect to ever meet anyone as well versed, yet passionately opposed to their product as I. Being a bit of an evangelist myself, I dream of someday converting them over to my side. There is nothing I would like better than to make one scream “What the hell was I thinking?!” as he tore his book to shreds. I could go to my grave with the comforting knowledge that I had saved a soul. I don’t think that will ever happen as I have a tendency to come on a little strong from time to time.
My favorite evangelists are the PETA people. They get really excited when I come to the door because my dreadlocks and passion for ratty clothes make them think I am one of them. I welcome them into my lair as they check out the real estate and try to guess the size of donation to ask for. As I listen to their dogma, I’ll light up a cigarette. Sometimes the newer missionaries are a little less diplomatic and will complain about the carcinogens released from a product of corporate greed creating an intrusion into their space (Which unbeknownst to me they brought into MY apartment). I’ll apologize, put it out and get a cigar. If they haven’t figured it out yet, I’ll go into the fridge pull out the bacon, and start frying it up. When their revulsion is noted, I’ll set them at ease and say that I don’t eat the meat, I just like to use the grease for frying. See, look I’m throwing it away. This morning we’re having veal cutlets. Shall I put one on for you? Oh you’re a vegetarian. Would you like an egg. I got these at Whole Foods. They’re fertilized. I let them incubate near the radiator for about two weeks. Let them go any longer and they start hatching. Ever eaten pre-born chicken? It’s so tender you don’t even have to pull out the bones. Hey where you going?
The doorbell rang. I cut my daydream short, slipped into my cloven hoofed jammies, grabbed a couple pyrotechnic devices, and ran downstairs to put on a little show.
I opened the door on a very clean cut gentleman who was wearing a much nicer suit than most door to door preachers can afford. He looked familiar and smiled like he knew me.
“Whaddya Selling?” I asked, “Politics or religion?”
“You don’t you recognize me do you?”
At that moment I did. I hadn’t seen my “Guardian Angel” since that strange night in Rochester,(vol. I #2) and I’ve never been sure if that night really happened, or if it was just another alcohol induced delusion. “Hey ya Mr. Thug! Can I get you a beer or something?”
“Sorry, I’m on duty”
“Huh”
“Yeah, we were going over a list of possible troublemakers for the upcoming convention, and guess who’s name popped out? Usually this would have been a secret service gig, but seeing as you were an old friend, I asked if I could take the call. Apparently you still frighten a few people in the office.”
“How come you aren’t after them?” I pointed to the Social Anarchists doing drum practice in the park.
“We don’t mind the socialists. We’re all a little bit socialist deep down. Those kids over there all think they’re being rebellious cause they advocate economic redistribution and government takeover of all corporations. If they thought for a minute, they’d realize that we’re trying to do the exact same thing: unification of corporations and government. They want government run corporations, we want corporate run government. What’s the difference really?”
“So who do you think is going to win the election, anyway?”
We’ve decided that we’re going to stick with Clinton. We tried to talk to Dole, but he didn’t want to play it our way. We’ve been working too hard to have an insubordinate president come in and screw it all up for us. Were really expecting some good things from Billy too. The guy is incredible. He has literally gotten away with murder.”
“Vince Foster?”
“Yep”
“How?”
“Shot him right there in the oval office. Just pulled a gun out of his drawer and popped him. Seems Bill found out about Vince and Hillary. Bill’s one of those guys that’ll sleep with your wife, but don’t you ever look at his. He let Foster bleed to death while he called us in to do the cleanup. The agent that took the call heard him begging for mercy in the background. There were a few strange marks on the body too. I think the poor guy spent his final minutes on earth being tortured.”
“Did Hillary ever find out?”
“Hell, she was right there when he whacked him. She’s a little weird, gets off on that stuff. She has affairs just to see Bill get nasty. When the body disposal team got there, her hair was all mussed up, her lipstick was smeared, and her stockings were wadded up on top of the desk.”
“You’re talking a little loose here...”
“Who cares. I’ll bet this stuff could come out in the news, and people would still like him. The guy’s really amazing. He puts on that Mayberry Bumpkin act, and people buy it. I mean look at the stuff that has appeared on the front page, and no one seems to care. Using the FBI records to destroy people. Extorting money from a Savings and Loan. Massive cover-ups. Influence pedaling. Contempt. Obstruction. Bribes. His brother and friends were drug dealers. His political advisor plays doggy with hookers...”
“Who?”
“Oh sorry, you aren’t supposed to know about that yet. We’re going to drop that one right before the nomination speech. Dick Morris has to go, he’s a little loose with the classified stuff. He had one bimbo up in the oval office playing with the red button.. If I didn’t know it was the nineties, I’d swear the guy has syphilis in the brain.
“They used to call Reagan ‘Teflon’ because nothing would stick to him. Of course, the guy was totally innocent. After the assassination attempt he just left. You could see it in his eyes. That’s when Bush took over. Kind of sad that the most popular president in modern history spent seven years thinking he was on the set of a movie. When he told investigators that he didn’t remember a thing about Iran-Contra, he was telling the absolute truth. Once after a high level meeting, he asked Bush if the ‘little monkey’ was going to be in this film. Sad, really sad.
“If Reagan was Teflon, Clinton is Silverstone III. I’d bet he could come on National Television and say, ‘I’ve been an operative of the CIA for the last 16 years. I’ve overseen drug flights into Arkansas and used the State Government to launder the proceeds. I’ve murdered or ordered the murders of seventeen enemies and used my political resources to cover up the evidence. The Constitution of the United States of America is no longer valid, and all Civil Liberties have been suspended. You will report immediately to the nearest federal building for immediate micro-chip implantation.’ and people would think, ‘gosh he really feels our pain’ as they put on their shoes and coats”
“How do you know he won’t flip on you?”
“He can’t. We have too much on him. That’s why this Whitewater stuff hasn’t been swept under the rug yet. Whitewater is the gun against his head. One false move, and he becomes the most disgraced President since Nixon. Play it our way, and he retires in Malibu as the most popular Democrat since JFK, with at least 15 good years left on the prostate.”
“Can you clear something up for me?”
“I’ll try”
“What really happened to JFK?”
“Sorry, that’s classified”
“How can you say that after all the things you just told me?”
“JFK is a really touchy subject. It doesn’t take too much to get a new conspiracy theory going. The conspiracy authors start work on a book, and our department has to start stonewalling information. You wouldn’t believe the man-hours it takes to run the cover-up on just one book. I can only imagine the work we’d have to do if the real story ever broke.”
“Then it hasn’t”
“One book came pretty darn close. We were sure there was a leak in the office, and almost killed a perfectly good agent on suspicion alone. That’s why we have to change the subject. Kennedy leaks are punishable by death. There’s nothing that makes the CIA angrier than making us work.”
“So your voting for Clinton.”
“I don’t vote.”
“Huh”
“You still don’t get it do you? You really think that power changes every couple years? The party that wins has about as much say in government as the winning team in the Superbowl That’s what an election is all about. Its not a revolution as some pundits would have you think, it’s just deciding which team gets to hold the trophy. I’ve been a Federal employee for twenty five years now. The people above me have been here longer than that. We’re all doing the same things now that we were doing during the twelve years of Reagan/Bush. We were doing them during the Carter Administration. Gerald Ford wasn’t around long enough to even suspect what was going on. Nixon tried to set up a separate department. We didn’t like that, so we sent him packing. How much change have you really seen in the past twenty five years?”
“So you’re saying the election is already over?”
“Pretty much.”
“So then, who’s really running the country?”
“Sorry, that’s classified territory again. Those Tri-Lateral Conspiracy freaks are worse than the JFK crowd. In fact, some of them overlap. I’ll sleep a lot better once we get rid of that damn Freedom of Information Act.”
“You should be ashamed of yourself!”
“Oh get off your horse,” he shot back. Could you imagine what kind of shape this country would be in if it were truly a ‘free’ country? There’s too damn many people who just plain need someone to take care of them. Ever see a laboratory rat when the food button stops working? They get pretty mean. The only reason we haven’t disintegrated into the reign of terror is because we keep everyone fed”
“With other people’s money...”
“Don’t try to blame us. I blame people like you. You don’t want to work any harder than the rest of them. What have you done to move the world forward. You’re a pretty bright person. Did you use your abilities? No. You’ve spent the last twelve years running around the country on a drunken orgy. And what’s your legacy? Your whining. You’ve become nothing more than a professional complainer. Go ahead and gripe about the ‘Evil Federal Government,’ but thirty years from now, you’re going to be standing at the Social Security Office with the rest of us, waiting for your handout. You shouldn’t complain about the collapse of an empire when you don’t want to be a pillar. Do you think we just seized this country against its will? We were invited. In fact, some might say we were begged to take it over.”
“Man, you always know how to cheer me up don’t you?”
“I always try. By the way that’s a nice goat suit you have on. Are you going to march in the parade Thursday?”
E-Coli is in the headlines again as another food product is responsible for an outbreak of poisoning. This time though, the culprit is not a greasy fast food outlet owned by the Ralston-Purina Corporation, but Odwalla Inc., a northern California manufacturer of products for a healthy lifestyle. A major recall of apple juice began after 67 people became ill.
This
is just a first in what I predict will be a long line of illnesses resulting
from the resurgence of “natural” foods. News stories, including the
Alar scare a few years back, have spawned a market for organic foods, and
chains of health food supermarkets have sprung up like scabies on a hippie.
The nutritionally aware have rejected modern food processing, and have
gone back to the basics.
Alar is a substance made by Uniroyal, and used from the early sixties until the big scare of ‘89. When sprayed on apple blossoms, Alar will prevent the fruit from falling from the trees prematurely, so they ripen to perfection. The Alar scare started when a group of media types, headed by Meryl Streep, and a leftist consumer advocacy group, stumbled across a document from the seventies. It seems that overpaid government scientists discovered that rats fed nothing but Alar for a year would get really sick. Sixty Minutes did a segment criticizing the substance, and local newsrooms all over America followed in line. Consumer pressure forced Alar off the shelves, and apples onto the ground. This in spite of the fact that scientists such as Biochemist Bruce Ames of the University of California at Berkeley, warned in 1989 that “more premature falling will permit more unhealthy mold toxins in apple juice.” Score another defeat for modern food processing.
For a moment, let’s reflect on the evils of modern food technology. Back in the 18th century, long before petrochemistry, pesticides, herbicides, and internal combustion, farming was back-breaking labor, using hand tools and oxen. From before dawn till after dusk, six days a week, entire families would toil in the hot fields. It was far more work than most modern people could perform. I dare to say that most OSHA and Department of Labor regulations make it illegal to perform that kind of work. Even more difficult to grasp was that more than 90% of America’s population was engaged in it. Families routinely had double-digit litters of children, as most would succumb to disease and exhaustion by their fifteenth birthday. You could avoid this work only if your parents were rich enough to get you an apprenticeship, or if you owned people who would work for you.
Even with all that energy expended, our food supply was inadequate, and people went hungry. Crops and livestock were often prey to drought and pestilence. Before the dawn of antibiotics, Anthrax could wipe out the economy of entire villages. And people were powerless. The most anyone could do to prevent such tragedy would be to burn the witches responsible, and pray for deliverance.
American ingenuity, freed us from such drudgery. Fewer than ten percent of our citizenry farm for a living. Anthrax is now just a funny name for a heavy metal band. We produce so much food that we export a great deal of our annual harvest. Our production potential is so vast, the government pays farmers not to grow anything, and food is rotting in Department of Agriculture warehouses. More than 50% of all Americans are overweight. Parks and forest preserves now occupy abandoned farmland that was once the site of virtual labor camps.
For modern Americans, farming is a quaint activity that some people are returning to recreationally. All over this country, Oliver Wendell Douglasses are buying properties called, “Hobby Farms” or “Farmettes” for their retirement. There are bed and breakfasts where you can spend a weekend slopping pigs and picking fruit for fun. Want some exercise? Try out a scythe on that wheat field. Ouch, that’s enough... I’m sore! If you want the full 18th century trip, spend a week in Amish Country where you can wash up with a pitcher and bowl, and use a real outhouse. Organic foods are another facet of this trend.
Now that people have satisfied the lower needs of the hierarchy, they have far too much time to dwell on nonsense. They wonder if, perhaps, people were healthier back in the days when the average life expectancy was only thirty-five. They are willing to pay double the money for the privilege of eating food grown exactly like it was two hundred years ago. Enter Odwalla Inc.
Odwalla only uses organic fruit. Which means they cannot use pesticides. Which means that a lot of their juice apples have an elevated amount of worm content that goes right into the juice squeezer with the rest of the fruit. Isn’t natural food yummy? Organic farming laws prohibit commercial fertilizers. Which only leaves one option. Organic fertilizer. Fresh from moo to you. Not only does organic fertilizer smell bad, it is rich in organisms. Like E-Coli. Hey, these apples have fallen off the tree already! That’s okay, just throw them up on the horse cart, and rush them over to the cider press.
Normally an E-Coli tainted apple would not be a problem, as most manufacturers pasteurize their product. Pasteurization is a process invented by 19th century scientist Louis Pasteur to eliminate any live organisms in a fluid by first heating, than chilling it . Run it through a filter and nothing but apple goodness remains. But such a modern process ruins its nutrition, the food conscious will tell you. Odwalla Inc. prides itself on organically rich, squeezer fresh juice. The E-Coli tainted product that had to be pulled from the shelves was ironically named, “Live Apple Juice.”
Tragically a young girl in Colorado died from E-Coli poisoning after drinking “Live Apple Juice.” If her parents had not been afraid of exposing her to traces of Alar, the fruit would have stayed up on the tree, far away from the manure. Apparently fear of technology is more deadly than the most evil chemical Uniroyal ever created. But you won’t hear me whine about the need for more government regulation of organic foodstuffs, or mandatory pasteurization. Everyone has the right to decide for themselves what they should eat and drink. If parents want to serve their children 18th century beverages, they should prepare for 18th century consequences. I would recommend that they have a lot of children so at least a couple kids survive into adulthood.
What worries me is that a continuous stream of regressionists still funnels into Washington to protest modern farming techniques and chemicals. During the Alar wars, Meryl Streep appeared before Congress and requested the substance be forbidden. A health club is the only place Meryl has ever performed hard labor. The technology she opposed, has freed her from the bondage of her ancestors, so she can earn a living making up silly accents. Meanwhile government scientists are feeding rats mega-doses of agricultural chemicals with the hope a tumor will grow and another innovation can be stripped from the shelves.
Maybe someday they will see their vision realized. Government will outlaw all modern farming, and we will proudly march back into the age of cholera. You can lock up the Unibomber, but you will never crush his spirit.
This month’s Government at work for you to our very own federal government
for its comical “Air Bag” mandate. The auto manufacturers originally
refused to put air bags into cars because they suspected they would be
dangerous to small children and elderly people. They felt that since
seat belts are used by race car drivers, astronauts and fighter pilots,
they should adequately protect motorists. The National Highway Traffic
Safety Administration disagreed, and forced air bag systems into all new
vehicles purchased. Seat belts gave too much responsibility to car
owners, and making airbags optional would give citizens too much leeway
with their own money. The NHTSA was sold on the air bags because
in the slow motion demonstration films, it looks like a big comfy pillow
appears in front of your face so you can lie down and take a nap before
the crash. In reality, the air bag explodes through the steering
wheel at the speed of 200 MPH, with the impact of a shotgun blast, as strictly
specified by the Federal Government. Any attempt to disable the system
is forbidden by law, and punishable by fines and imprisonment. Six
years later, people start noticing that the air bags aren’t quite the panacea
they were supposed to be. No evidence can be cited that they are
any safer than wearing seat belts. Studies indicated that drivers
with air bags take greater risks, and are involved in a disproportional
amount of accidents. They started making the news when somebody noticed
that a lot of injuries were occurring after minor collisions. Elderly
people and small children were actually being killed by the devices, just
as the auto companies predicted. 47 deaths were attributed to air
bags. The NHTSA then severely repremanded auto manufacturers for
doing exactly what they were told to do, and demanded bigger warning labels
be printed on window visors. Car owners were instructed to keep children
and elderly in the back seat, which made one wonder how Grandma was going
to drive from there. After a decapitation occurred, and a young girl’s
head was tossed across a parking lot, the NHTSA relented. Auto Manufacturers
can use less explosive in the propellant canister, and car owners can sign
a wavier to have a mechanic disable the system legally. However,
new cars are still required to be built with a Federally Mandated gun at
your face, and by 1999, you will be required to buy side impact bags as
well, bringing the cost of a mandatory “safety” system, that many consumers
will render inert shortly after purchasing, to well over Three Thousand
Dollars, (In 1974, a Ford Maverick cost $1999) Way to Go NHTSA!
(Billings Mont. API) The EPA Swat team raided another illegal cookout yesterday. About three dozen people were arrested and are being held without bond. Almost forty pounds of assorted ground meats, ribs and chicken were confiscated, along with various homemade grill paraphernalia and sauces.
The problem has increased in magnitude ever since the EPA banned charcoal barbecuing in an effort to reduce smog and other pollutants. Recent legislation has outlawed all outdoor cooking, and mandated strict penalties for violation. It would seem however that there are those who would rather eat grilled meat than enjoy a healthy environment. Scofflaws have gotten very sophisticated, sneaking into Public Forests at late hours of the evening and building bonfires to indulge their unhealthy appetites for grilled meats.
Most outdoor grill violators tend to be white males, and some are right wing militia members. The EPA is asking for armed support from the United States Military, and funding from Congress for infra-red scanning helicopters.
Typically, a group will avoid using telephones and have constructed
a sophisticated code to post notices on butcher shop bulletin boards.
The EPA has suggested closing butcher shops to counter the problem.
“I don’t think people should be eating meat in the first place,” said Secretary
of the Environment Ally Sheedy. “If they can’t get meat they won’t
pollute the environment. When you look at the health costs associated
with the consumption of animal products, not to mention the cruelty the
industry inflicts on our fellow creatures, I don’t know why a modern society
allows meat production to exist in the first place.” she stated before
a congressional panel on the Environmental (cont. on A26)
A regular feature of this newsletter where I will actually answer
your questions. E-Mail RevHdqrtrs@AOL.com. For a confidential
reply, hire a therapist and keep it to yourself. This is a comedy
rag dammit, and if you need me to straighten out your life, you're
already further gone than you suspect.
Hey Slagle,
Does it take a Village?
MP California
Dear MP,
I’m not quite sure what “it” is.
When the Egyptian empire decided to build the pyramids, “it” took an entire tribe. When the South had cotton to be picked, “it” took many villages. When the Spanish Conquistadors came for gold, “it” took an entire civilization. If you want a nation of smiling children who always recycle, and sing songs about how lucky we are to pay taxes, it’s going to take an army.
I resent this notion that we citizens of earth are members of a “Global Village”. Such nonsense is extremely dangerous. The nice thing about actual villages, you can always leave. Certainly, there are always will be those caught in the pyres, but when a village has gone mad there is always someplace else to run. In a global village you might as well put yourself into the stocks and wait to be accused.
I don’t see how anyone could call the Federal Government a “village”. Both Stalinist Russia and Nazi Germany wanted more of a say in how children were raised, but no one would ever confuse them with villages. Villages are populated by communities. No matter how much a government claims to care, it will never be a community.
Communities are voluntary. They fund their programs from a basket passed through the church, or an unattended jar left at the local store. Governments fund their programs with taxes, collected by law, enforced with guns. When an Amish man’s barn burns down, the community gathers around to rebuild it. You’ll never see an Amish man arrested and his house seized because he refused to attend a barn raising. “Jebediah, we hast audited thy labor returns and found them fraudulent! Thou art a work evader! We henceforth put a lien on thy chickens!” In Hillary’s Utopia there are armed government agents who insure you contribute to her favorite charities. I’m sure there will be strict penalties and reprogramming centers for those who try and resist.
“It” might take a village, but I’ll never live there.
Slagle
I’m really sorry this newsletter is late again but, Excuse # 1: things have been a little chaotic here at Headquarters. I know some of you probably think you missed an issue, but that simply is not the case, it really was over six months ago that the last National was released. All new subscribers will still receive the four issues promised. At this rate, a one year subscription will probably take two years to receive. Excuse #2: one Slagle year is equal to two human years. Excuse #3: I delayed the release of the newsletter hoping the video would be finished. “Nation of Criminals” is still hung up due to technical problems. I had expected to have it released concurrently, with this issue but the unforeseen have deemed otherwise. “A Wake” was not released for a full 18 months after taping, so at least I’m a little ahead of that.
Luau Goes Off
The third annual RevHQ Luau is now nothing more than a painful memory
to all those who attended. The empty bottles are gone and the ashtrays
cleaned.
Congratulations
to Tim Reagan, winner of the 1996 Golden Corky award. Tim Reagan
was awarded by unanimous vote, even though he was the originator of the
award, for most degenerate behavior. Tim swept the competition by
sneaking backstage at a “Lollipops and Love Songs” concert to have his
picture taken with the award’s namesake.
Tragedy abounded throughout the trip. the temperature never rose above 75, and the wind never fell below 30 MPH. Except for a few side trips, the event was held indoors with little more than liquor and cigarettes for entertainment. From the moment we arrived, we knew it wasn’t going to be a lot of fun. In total, there was one lost pet, 8 missed flights, 3 police incidents 1 broken car window, three bad colds, two cases of food poisoning, One hospitalization.
As the party thinned out, the weather got gradually better. The day I had to leave, the temperature a wonderful 84 degrees, sunny, 3 MPH offshore breeze, and the waves were three foot glass barrels. Maybe next year.
Right now were looking tentatively at the last week of October, ‘97 so make those plans early. We’re going to try and book the whole motel next year, as we weren’t able to accommodate everyone this year, and the rooms really sold out fast. Contact Revolution Headquarters for more info.
Coming in 1997 For those of you here in Chicago who have been complaining about the abnormally short sets I have been forced into, your prayers have been answered. In June of 1997 I will make my headline debut at the downtown Zanies. This would be a great time for those of you that have been putting of a trip to the big City as June 24 - 29 is the one week of the year that there is positively no chance of snow. Rumor has it that there might be big RevHQ summer party around then so stay tuned. I am also planning a special show the week of July 4th in Minneapolis to be taped as a potential pilot. Coincidentally, that is the only guaranteed snow free week in Minnesota. Details to follow.
Quoth
Man is conceived in sin and borne into corruption. He passeth
from the stink of the didie to the stench of the shroud. There is
always something.
- Robert Penn Warren, from “All the
Kings Men”
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