Scientology Incorporated

So it’s after a gig*, and I’m sitting at the bar with another comic, and a couple of girls who thought we were the funniest guys they had ever met. Things are heating up, but I’m starting to feel a little apprehensive because it’s just too easy. When I don’t have to work at something, I always start to wonder if there’s something wrong. Either I’m about to be robbed, or there’s a flaw I haven’t noticed.



The conversation turns to Scientology. There had recently been a expose in Time magazine (and astute readers can now speculate on how long ago this was). “It’s a really evil institution,” I start, “Kind of a cross between the Mafia and Oral Roberts with just a dash of the Manson Family.”

The girl who had been getting all my attention chuckled condescendingly, “Well, I read that Kirstie Alley is a Scientologist, and I don’t think Kirstie Alley would belong to anything like that!”

Oh. There’s the flaw. She is stupid. (And probably a pre-clear TR-4)...(read more)

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Obama Perks

An alert listener sent this list, Top 10 perks of the UPCOMING Obama presidency to Jerry Agar last week, and the two of us had a blast coming up with our own. Here goes:

• After a time people figure out that the president DOESN"T solve all their problems and some of them actually work to fill their own gas tanks and pay their own mortgage.
  
  
• Jerimiah Wright can come out of retirement. Michelle can take off the duct tape and wear lipstick again.
  
  
• We now know that an empty suit can get up and walk and talk.
  
  
• No more whining about how the election was stolen. (Notice how all the machines were accurate this time? Apparently Diebold is no longer capable of rigging elections.)
  
  
• Children inspired to learn that they can grow up to win the highest office in the world without any actual accomplishments.
  
  
• Comedian Bias: An end to all the "Why can't we get a Brother in the White House Jokes. Oh look, he DIDN'T put spinners on Air Force One. Aunt Zetuni and Brother George are going back to the Glory days of Democrat families, like Billy Carter and Roger Clinton. Lots of fun stuff rhymes with Obama.
  
  
• America made even safer for unapologetic domestic terrorists.
  
  
• No more wood splitting, brush clearing or golfing. Joggiing track replaced with a basketball court.
  
  
• World finally learns that socialism fails no matter who runs it.
  
  
• Even I can afford to invest in the stock market now.
  

Incidentally, there will still be a Kidders show this Thursday, November 13th, at Zanies in the Pheasant Run Resort (sans Jerry & Maura). 8PM Tickets still just $8.90. 630-584-6342

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Roasting Obama

Here's a great video news story, from the segment on the Barack Obama Show we did on WLS.

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