5/23/06

Christopher Dodd announced his 2008 Presidential bid. His slogan will be, "Why not vote for somebody you've never heard of?"
This is in sharp contrast to the current Democrat slogan which is. "We suck, but not as bad as they do!"

E85 is a blend of 15% gasoline and 85% ethanol. They say it's got gasoline in it because it will make your car run better, but the truth is, if gas stations sold 100% ethanol. you could drink it.
Imagine, 200 proof vodka for only three bucks a gallon! There wouldn't be a sober college student left in America. Kind of puts gas prices in perspective now, doesn't it?
Hillary Clinton, originally an opponent, jumped on the bandwagon and decided to support Ethanol... as a marvelous way to stay married to a philandering redneck.

With the release of their new Album, Country music stars the Dixie Chicks are hoping to appeal to a more PBS audience. Half of the war protesters took courses in college where they were told to despise ANYONE who uses the term "Chicks." And Dixie refers to the South before the abolishment of slavery. Yeah, they're PBS material. Perhaps if they were backed up by a Peruvian pipe band, and Icelandic throat singers.
The Dixie Chicks were quite popular before Natalie Maines told a British audience that she was embarrassed to be from the same state as President Bush. Little did she know that Texas was embarrassed to be from the same state as Natalie Maines.
Talk about alienating your audience. Everybody knows that Country Music fans are almost unilaterally Bush supporters. There's as much chance of PBS listeners embracing the Dixie Chicks as there is of KD Lang getting pregnant.

A European Ferry boat had to return to it's home port after being hit by a 50 foot wave. One of the passengers commented: “We knew conditions were getting bad the night before when the magician had to cancel his act because his table kept sliding off the stage.” Apparently he wasn't a very good magician. (Although I'm certain that at least for a little while, everyone was amazed by the sliding table trick.) And you know, the magicians are always the last ones to quit. Even as the Musicians on the Titanic were packing up their instruments, and getting into life boats there were still a couple men in Tuxedos going, "Pick a card."

U.S. Sen. and Treasury Secretary Lloyd Bentsen died. Lloyd Bensten was most remembered for his debate with Dan Quayle where he said, "You sir, are no Jack Kennedy." Which probably meant that Quayle couldn't pick up women