5/19/06

I recently attended a Civil war re-enactment. It's a little twisted if you think about it. Here was the bloodiest war the US was ever involved in, and these guys make a game out of it.
Sure, everybody wants to fire the cannons and ride the horses. Not a lot of volunteers for the hospital reenactment. Jeb, you get your leg cut off, and Mathias, you're going to get yellow fever and gangrene.


The Senate is poised to create a national language. Americans were shocked to learn that it wasn't going to be Spanish.
Robert Byrd had to be told that there was no such language as "Mexican."
Don't see the problem, It seems that America is the only place left in the world, where people can't speak English.

The US House voted to keep the ban on offshore drilling . Turns out that building a new oil rig on the coast is going to have as much chance as a Martha's Vineyard windmill.

Driving home from a Baltimore baseball game, a couple was arrested after asking a cop for directions. Apparently the officer was alerted by the suspicious behavior of a man asking for directions.

Mike Wallace retired from 60 minutes, and used the opportunity to say things he never said before. Here's my list of things Mike Wallace never said:
-I think it's great that you built a corporation that employs 65,000 people.
-No I would not like another cocktail
-I sure love those Andy Rooney segments
-Stop the cameras, I think this guy's telling the truth!

NBC's David Gregory told President Bush that his approval ratings were almost as low as Nixon's. The President responded by telling David Gregory that his ratings are as low as the recently canceled "Commander and Chief."

Students in Beverly Hills were sent to see Al Gore's new movie about Global Warming. Wow, I didn't realize the film was so bad. You remember how awful the films in High School usually are. It must really stink if it's being used as PUNISHMENT.

Strange that Al Gore is so certain the debate is closed on Global Warming. This is the same guy who still thinks the result of the 2000 election is still open.