There's been a push lately, to link the Taliban to the Right Wing of American politics, and I agree that the argument is compelling, as the Christian Coalition has been trying to insert itself for years. I believe fundamentalist religion should never mix with government, but I feel the Left Wing has commonalties with the Taliban also. One of the Taliban's first media events was destroying the sixteen hundred year old pair of ten story Buddhas carved into a mountainside of Afghanistan. In this country, it is the Leftists who endeavor to remove all religious symbols from public places. The Taliban forced women to cover up, and in this country, the feminists complain about things like the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Pork was not allowed to be served anywhere, and there is a faction of the Left that would do the same here with all meat products. And I would bet, that Leftists have a tendency to grow beards at a greater rate than the general population.

A funny twist in the Enron scandal. The Democrats are so hungry to find wrongdoing on the part of George W. Bush, that they are now claiming that he should have offered Enron a bailout. To a Democrat, it's only a scandal when you take money from a donor and DON'T perform a political favor.

I think it was a great relief to everyone that the last terrorist attempt was so horrendously botched.  It is reassuring to think that the FBI roundups have left Al Qaeda playing with its third string. I still chuckle every time I think of Richard Reid trying to light a fuse in his shoes, it reminded me of a Roadrunner cartoon. I imagine the Exploding Sneakers might have even been manufactured by Acme. A fitting punishment for the crime would be for the Pentagon to construct a working pair, stand him out in the middle of an open field, and send him up to his 72 virgins, marked "express."

Airport lines are getting longer all the time, as an incompetent Federal Bureaucracy doubles the security they were incapable of providing in the first place. I can make a suggestion to shorten the lines just a little bit, can we stop answering those two stupid questions? All nineteen September 11 terrorists answered both questions, and it didn't trick any of them. I can't believe anybody really thought it might.
 "Did anyone give you anything to bring on board?"
"Well, Allah gave to me this boxcutt...Uhm, I mean, no."

Libertarians always believe that an idle Congress is a good Congress, and for the first time in history we have an unique opportunity in front of us, courtesy of the Anthrax scare. Anybody with a stack of stamped envelopes, a 5lb bag of flour, and a willingness to sit in a Federal Prison, now has the power to close down the Hill for the rest of the term.

Snow in Atlanta, and Global Warming alarmists are at it again. It doesn't matter whether it's warmer or colder, dry or wet, stormy or calm, every severe weather event is now taken as proof of impending doom. Apocalypse has always been a great tactic for Mystics to win new customers. I've believe that the only way to disprove the Environmental Cataclysts would be if the weather was perfectly average for a year. On second thought, maybe not. That would only give them more ammunition as they could then proclaim, "When has the weather EVER been so predictable?"

February 14, 2002

The Second Annual Olympic Snowboarding competition got underway in Salt Lake City without the attendance of Nagano's Gold Medalist, Canadian Ross Rebagliati. If you remember the 1998 Olympics in  Japan; scandal erupted when Ross tested positive for cannaboids, and was forced to forfeit his medal. The award was restored upon appeal, because there is no clear rule stating Marijuana is a banned substance. He wanted to come and watch this years events, but United States Customs stopped his entry into the country. They cited an obscure law that forbids entry to anyone who has admitted to using illegal narcotics. Curiously, Ross actually denied using marijuana, and claimed it probably got into his blood second hand at a party.
Even stranger, is how the law has been selectively applied. If other countries enforced such a law, Bill Clinton would have never been allowed out of the United States. There was no immigration ban imposed on unrepentant, convicted, marijuana addict Paul McCartney, who recently sang at the Super Bowl; and one might suspect a case of youth discrimination. I believe it was just an attempt by authorities to hide a Gold Medalist that smokes Marijuana. Nothing lessens the impact of a perfectly good "Drugs Kill" campaign, than a pothead who is also a World Class Champion.

$300 million is the price tag picked up at the Federal Level for our privilege of hosting the Winter games, paid courtesy of the US taxpayer. Even though NBC is getting record ratings from the programming, it still seems like an awful deal, especially when you consider that the same network purchased an entire year of the hit television show "Friends" for about half the price.

After George Bush gave his now famous, Axis of Evil, State of the Union address, his popularity soared to an unprecedented 95%. That's incredible. Although I was initially relieved that Al Gore was denied entry into the White House, 95% is a figure that frightens me. It approaches the popularity of the Anti-Christ.

In the Bush Healthcare proposal, he offers a tax break for anyone who has to buy their own health insurance up to 3 thousand dollars. I'm not normally one to gripe about a tax break, but this one seems a little biased. Shouldn't the same break be offered to someone who puts money away in a Medical Savings Account?. Those who have the foresight to manage their risks with savings, are truly the "self insured." The old adage is: that insurance is like gambling, and betting against yourself. Giving tax breaks for insurance premiums is a lot like allowing lotto tickets in your 401 (k). On second thought, after watching the Enron debacle, I realize that's already permitted.

George Bush outlined his proposal to decrease the demand for illegal drugs in the United States. A lot of hocus pocus, Federal focus was proposed, and you know that will have the same result as the last 50 proposals over the last seven decades. When will Washington ever learn the most basic truth of economics? The only way to decrease the demand for drugs, is to increase the supply.

Columbia Law professors recently completed a study that concludes that more than seven out of ten death penalty cases were reversed because of procedural errors. I'm not sure if this reflects anything more that the ability of picayune defense attorneys to work more diligently on capital offenses.
The study recommends that," If we are going to have the death penalty, it should be reserved for the worst of the worst." Which is how I thought the penalty was applied. Actually I would like to see the penalty applied to drivers who wait until the last 5 feet to merge in a backed up construction zone too, but that's just personal preference.
A lot of times, the death penalty is irrelevant; like in the case of serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, who was murdered in prison. Mr. Dahmer was such an aberration, that even convicted criminals found him repulsive, and carried out vigilante justice on him. More lax security could insure that ultimate penalties would be meted out similarly inside the penal system; especially for the most heinous cases, like child molesters, and crooked cops.
My solution is to replace the death penalty is an adoption program. We could assemble a list of opponents to the penalty who believe that every life is sacred. When a person is convicted of a capital offense, he would be helium arc welded into an inescapable titanium alloy cage. We then load up a flatbed full of these cages, and deliver them on the doorsteps of all the people on the list. "Here's your sacred life Mr. Kennedy, do you want him in the front yard or back. I'd recommend the back, as you don't want the neighbor kids getting too close. He's a cannibal, so you better not let him get too hungry."

Russia plans to send the second space tourist up to the space station, South African Mark Shuttleworth. NASA is again furious. (His name almost sounds like the opening to a joke: What's a Shuttleworth? About a 2 billion dollar contract if you're Rockwell International!) The government employees who run our Space program do not understand free markets, and believe the only fair way to get promoted up to Astronaut is through seniority. I find myself uncomfortably in agreement, because I resent that the kid going up is younger than me. He is able to afford the 20 million dollar ticket as another bratty dot.com millionaire. I just hope the Russians aren't fool enough to take shares of his company in lieu of cash.

March 15, 2002

Liberals are demanding that the rules of the Geneva Convention be applied to the Detainees in Guantanamo, and although I understand the rights of prisoners, I also recognize that fighting terrorism has unique necessities, and that all wars run contrary to law.
I might respond to concerned leftists, that the authors of the Geneva conventions were brilliant enough to create a treaty that evolves to meet the expanding awareness of the period, and it should be looked at as a living breathing document that must be interpreted in a fashion appropriate to the times.

Fortune Magazine has released its list of the worlds billionaires, and courtesy of the recession, there were 94 people less from last years list. In fact, there were a couple on the list whose declining stock value would have caused their omission since the list was tabulated.
Throughout the Reagan Administration, detractors would reiterate the mantra, that the Rich get Richer, while the Poor get Poorer. While the statistics didn't support that slogan, and I don't think an administration can really affect the economic state of a country much; I believe that in fairness, the pundits should credit George W. Bush for being in office while The Rich got Poorer.

California airports were shut down on several occasions as the 1.7 million dollar CTX baggage scanners mistook a Mickey Mouse snow globe, a dummy grenade and a food processor, for bombs.
A big problem with airport security is, that FAA regulations apply across the board, and won't let the market react to circumstance.
For instance, if airlines were all allowed to maintain their own security, we might have: Quick and Dangerous Air: "We'll get you there faster than the other guys...Maybe."
 This would be an airline with absolutely no security restrictions or checkpoints. It's quite possible that the carrier might even have a better security record, as no terrorist would be foolish enough, to try and hijack a flight when several passengers could be carrying firearms. If there was a mid air shoot-out, there would be no lawsuits or pity, as anyone wounded would have been flying with the full knowledge of risks involved.
Allowing airlines to self regulate could spawn a host of innovative new carriers, like Smokers Airways: All seats all smoking all of the time. Be sure and only wear brown clothes, and the masks will remain down throughout the entire flight for anyone who might like to breathe.

A Native American University of Northern Colorado intramural basketball team named themselves, The Fightin' Whities, in response to the tradition of using Indian mascots by professional sports teams. It was originally supposed to be revenge, but instead, white people across the country are taking great amusement from the idea, and are swamping the team with requests for jerseys. I think the lesson is that perhaps, Native American Activists need to learn the white man's sense of humor.

On March 6, a Congressional panel convened to try and learn what caused the World Trade Center towers to collapse on September 11. Now I'm not a congressman, but I was pretty sure that it had something to do with a couple fully fueled planes flying into them. The structures were not built in anticipation of being used as hangars, and ultimately the integrity of the construction failed under such an unusual circumstance.
Thank goodness the United States Congress is there to correct my faulty reasoning. Apparently, the reason for the tragedy was that the building codes were not strict enough. The imagination of architectural science will now be tested as new federal requirements for strength and fireproofing are put into law, and someday we might be able to land a 747 inside a skyscraper safely.
The suggestion I heard most often repeated is to federally limit the allowed height of skyscrapers. Again my ignorance shows, as I believe that insurance premiums and the condominium market will probably limit the height of new buildings over the next decade automatically. In fact Donald Trump recently scrapped plans for a new "Worlds Tallest" skyscraper in Chicago, due to the attack. I worry that the greater wisdom of Congress will prevail, and Ayn Rand's prediction of seeing the New York skyline sink into Manhattan will come to fruition; not by an energy shortage, but by building ordinances.

April 12, 2002

It recently occurred to me, that any person who believes that the world is overpopulated has the right, duty, and ability to reduce that number by one. Imagine the wonderful impact, if all the population alarmists jumped off a cliff at once, like lemmings. As each doomsayer plummeted nobly to his death there would be that much more food, wealth, and resources for the rest of world to share; and one less person economically ignorant enough to believe it really works that way.

I think that the President could sell his policy of first strike nukes in North Korea to the American Public if he marketed it a little better. Perhaps he should rename the policy as "The Puppy Protection Act of 2002." Since eliminating North Korea from the face of the earth would save a lot of canines from horrible death in kitchens across that country, it wouldn't be too far out of line. Meanwhile, very few politicians would be bold enough to take a stand against puppies. What candidate could survive the fallout, being tagged as a "Puppy Hater."

According to their Action Alert, two Greenpeace activists in Irvine California dumped coal inside the Edison building to protest the building of a coal-fired power plant in Indonesia. To them, this is justice, as they feel that if Edison executives enjoy coal, they won't mind it in their own offices.
I think the Biotech industry should return the favor, as Greenpeace is standing in the way of genetic modifications that could reduce the need for fertilizers in agriculture. Since Greenpeace is so fond of organic fertilizer, they might want a load of it dumped at their headquarters.

If you've ever had the delightful opportunity of debating politics with a Leftward Feminist, you will soon learn that many of her arguments run contrary to logical thought. You will find yourself constantly running into the philosophical dead ends of, "That's not how I feel," or "I think your wrong."
For anyone accustomed to using facts and logic in support of their arguments, these devolutions are incredibly frustrating. It is maddening, that in a Democratic society both viewpoints are equally weighted with one vote.
While I won't challenge the wisdom of the 17th amendment here, I do blame this opinion chauvinism on a far older stereotype that has its roots deep within the Patriarch: the myth of women's intuition. For millennia, and perhaps beyond, women have been told that their "feelings" have a preternatural ability to judge situations correctly in spite of overwhelming evidence.

The Treasury Department has been trying to eliminate the penny for years; but cannot bear the protests, which for the most part, emanate from senior citizens who can remember when 1¢ actually had some appreciable value. I don't even bend down to pick pennies up anymore as the exercise required to make a dollar is the equivalent of 100 knee-bends, and I don't ever work that hard for such rotten money.
So worthless are pennies, gas stations that charge a dollar for twelve ounces of bottled water, and 25¢ for a tire full of air, give pennies away for free.
I recently learned that lock-washers and pennies cost about the same to manufacture, about 3¢. Treasury could eliminate the loss incurred in coining the denomination, by simply recognizing lock-washers as the accepted currency for 1¢. Since it costs three times as much to manufacture, there would be no danger of counterfeiting. Meanwhile, my fellow shade tree mechanics and I would never have to make a that trip to the hardware store just for one damn lock-washer ever again, as there will be pockets and jars full of them all over the country.

May 20, 2002

A friend of mine recently asked how I would feel if there were a Hillary Clinton postage stamp. I reminded her that you can only print stamps of deceased individuals, and decided that I would very much like to see that stamp on letters across America.

Recent studies and analysis indicate that drugs like Zoloft and Prozac were less effective in FDA trials than sugar pills. According to some tests, Prozac was effective in only 25% of the cases studied, while sugar pills were effective 32% of the time. Such numbers seem to indicate that medication actually perpetuates depression, as sugar pills seem to be more effective. It is possible that belief in pills actually cures the depression, regardless of whether it is sugar or Prozac. The conventional wisdom that people cannot snap themselves out of depression without treatment, appears to be wrong.
Such is the amazing power of faith. In my opinion, the study could account for the effectiveness of prayer against the same ailments. People who are deeply religious say they get great joy and peace from there religion, and it has helped them out of the darkest states of despair. This is probably why AA requires recovering alcoholics to submit to a higher power, to relieve the impending bout of depression one is sure to get, when he sobers up and realizes he will never be able to sit in a bar again.
There seems to be a biological human need for faith, religious or otherwise. Perhaps this is also why a lot of atheists become politically active. It could even explain the existence the Libertarian Party.
According to the same studies, once the patient learns he has been taking nothing more than sugar, there is a relapse into depression. The instantaneous response occurs when a person reliant on a sugar pill realizes that there was no healing medicine after all. Occasionally you hear about someone who lost their faith in God and went into a deep depression. Apparently it is preferable to allow true believers to stumble through life, guided by faith then to pull back the curtain and demonstrate there is nothing on the other side.

Right wing politician Pim Fortuyn was assassinated outside a radio station in the Netherlands nine days before elections there. Reporters in the United States, used terms like Nationalist and Skinhead to describe his politics, while underplaying the fact that he was openly gay, and a champion of civil rights. He also vehemently denied the Nationalist label. I guess compared to the various Socialist candidates most American reporters have grown accustomed to, he was an extremist; but from what I read, he was much more Jesse Ventura than Colonel Klink.

Mailbox bomber Luke John Helder was apprehended near Reno Nevada, and was treated by Federal authorities to all the hospitality awaiting Bin Laden himself. I don't advocate what this boy did, but I also would like to see the reporting  kept in proportion to the crime.
We live in a country where you can buy all the necessary ingredients to manufacture gun powder at the corner drugstore. And there is not a single boy chemist, who upon figuring this out, was not guilty of at least one mailbox bombing.
Yes the kid took an American pastime to an extreme, and reports of nails and bbs placed into the devices indicate very malicious intent. However, he planned his explosions geographically, so the push-pins in the map at FBI Headquarters would form a big smiley face across the USA. I find it hard to believe that a kid who would plan that kind of prank had evil intentions, and I doubt the bombs were really loaded with shrapnel. But I think as a nation we should step back and realize that we have not apprehended a dangerous terrorist, but a deprived boy who probably never got enough spankings. If ever our penal system was lacking in sentences like public caning, now is the time.

According to Variety , "Twentieth Century Fox has won an auction for [the rights to produce] "The Day After Tomorrow," a Roland Emmerich-directed disaster extravaganza about global warming that creates hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes and the onset of the next ice age, penned by Emmerich and Jeffrey Nachmanoff."
Now I've been mocking environmentalists for years over their beliefs that our modern way of life is destroying the planet, and I think it's important to note that global warming is always connected with tragic consequences. Couldn't it be just as possible that Global Warming might cause milder winters, rain in deserts, and longer growing seasons in famine stricken areas?
The apocalyptic tones used by environmental "scientists" remind me of the warnings of Witch Doctors in Tarzan Movies before demanding a white woman be offered to the volcano god. When Pat Robertson claimed that a hurricane was headed towards Disneyland as a way of punishing the Mouse for his tolerance of homosexuals, the liberals laughed. But when Al Gore claimed the same hurricanes as Natures way of punishing a greedy nation for their reliance on the Internal Combustion Engine, he was heralded as a genius.
But, I diverge from my original point: I have read many scientific scenarios that relate meteorological disaster to global warming, but never once have I seen a connection to a geological event. How can altered weather events cause earthquakes? It won't be long before the environmentalists ARE blaming volcanoes on internal combustion. Finally, I don't understand how global WARMING could cause an ice age. That to me is ample evidence that the other side is just using fear tactics. If a new ice age is inevitable, perhaps burning fossil fuel rampantly could serve as a prophylactic against our certain demise.

Singer Dionne Warwick was busted in Miami International Airport with 11 joints inside an empty lipstick container. Warwick was scheduled to fly to Los Angeles when baggage screeners noticed the lipstick container in her carry-on bag. I thought they were just searching the bags for weapons; I don't know how joints in a lipstick container could pose a security risk.
Secondly the quantity of joints contained, casts doubt on how much illegality was even perpetrated. Assuming a standard diameter lipstick, if you put 11 rolling papers into a the container, how much room would be left for any marijuana?

June 20, 2002

According to Captain Stephen Luckey,of Air Line Pilots Association, International, pilots were allowed to carry firearms with the consent of their airline, until the FAA changed their position in July 2001. Is there any question that the responsibility for 9/11 falls squarely on the shoulders of the FAA?
And now, John Magaw, undersecretary for transportation security maintains the stance against allowing pilots the option to carry. I think the pilots should give the following announcement, protected by the First Amendment,  at the beginning of each flight.
"Ladies and Gentleman, as your Pilot today, I hope you enjoyed standing in line for two hours while a minimum wage grunt poked and prodded and felt you up. All this special treatment is courtesy of the FAA, who refuses to allow us trained, ex-military professionals the ability to defend our ship from terror. If we were trusted  to defend this aircraft, just as much as we are trusted to bring you home safe, most of the security precautions such as taking off your shoes and intrusive x-ray machines would have been irrelevant. Finally, we would like to remind you, that in the unlikely event of a hostile takeover of this airplane, the United States Air Force has been instructed to shoot us out of the sky; at which point you will all be free to smoke during our very final descent. Wouldn't you rather take your chances with handgun in the cockpit? Thank you for flying Defenseless Air.

Amidst all the political bickering, and blame tossing over the Phoenix Memo comes one clear fact: FBI agent Kenneth Williams suggested in July of 2001 that Middle Easterners in flight schools across America should be interviewed, and have their visas checked, but the FBI didn't want to commit the manpower to perform those interviews. I wonder how many agents were tied up on Marijuana cases that month?

On June 3 the EPA released the 2002 U.S.Climate Action Report  to the United Nations, and many were shocked to learn that the Administration has changed it's position on human-induced Global Warming. It is my opinion that this shift was most likely precipitated by the continual haranguing by the left on George Bush's intelligence.
 One of their latest assaults on his aptitude, is his inability to pronounce Nuclear with out the invisible "u" between the "c" and the "l". (I admit it makes me cringe too, every time I hear it. Unfortunately, he's already said it too many times; and if he started correcting himself now, it would be too obvious.) Now that he agrees with the Left on CO2 emissions, it's going to be really hard to call him an idiot, especially when he's talking protecting the en-VARN-mint.
I don't know if education or intelligence is necessary for a president. I certainly want intelligent judges, and I guess that educated legislators are important too. But I believe the Constitutional Duties of President only require the high skills of a really good poker player.

And speaking about Global Warming, it just occurred to me why the left is so hot on getting  Kyoto signed. Apparently the brief window of observation agreeing with theory is closing rapidly. Just this year, reputable scientific journals "Science" and "Nature" both reported that the Antarctic continent is dramatically cooling, and it's ice sheet is thickening. It would appear that climate patterns are changing again, and the theory no longer matches observed data. If we don't sign onto the treaty soon, conventional wisdom might shift against Global Warming, and the grand global redistribution policy that is the Kyoto Accord, might end up on the scrap heap of Good Socialist Intentions. On the other hand, if the treaty IS signed, it will be virtually impossible for us to escape its restrictions, even if the world climate slips into an ice age. For perspective, look at how the Nuclear Treaties between the US and USSR were expected to be honored, even though the Soviet Union no longer exists.

On June 20, the Supreme Court issued a ruling that it is unconstitutional to execute the mentally retarded. Just another usurpation, in a long string, reaffirming the acceptance by American Society of discrimination against the able. It's not enough that the mentally retarded get to go to specialized public schools on a private bus, and have their own Olympics where you don't even have to cross the finish line to win a medal, they  now get a pass when they murder somebody. Seems to me that somewhere in between change counting and microwave oven operation, we could teach these exceptional individuals that it is wrong to take the life of another; although the ACLU might find such education the equivalent to teaching the Commandments in a public school. It's not like the person killed by a mentally retarded murderer is any less dead; it's just that we have to understand that the malice necessary to commit a capital crime is only possible in an intelligent being.

July 19, 2002

Twice in June, Washington DC Firefighters confronted with failing equipment, had to use a neighbor's garden hose to fight fires. In a time when George Bush wants Homeland Security elevated to a cabinet level office, the comical Three-Stooges image of firemen wrestling a garden hose in this Federally Managed City, should remind us all of the dangers inherent in ceding local emergency services to a massive central bureaucracy.

In Florida a Muslim Woman is suing the State, for Religious discrimination, because her drivers license photo was taken with a mask, and the state has ordered her to retake it. Unnoticed by many, in the controversy: Florida now has face recognition software capable of, sorting through all the drivers license photos, and looking for such a mistake. (I'm sure searches for criminals and duplicates are also being performed.) Although State issued ID has always made me uncomfortable, I must admit that taking a drivers licensee photo with a mask on, strikes me as tremendously funny. I wonder if the guy who plays Mickey Mouse at Disney World is afforded the same consideration.
I think part of what makes America great is how we reinterpret our religions here. The sacred American right of choice is applied to Old World religions, and most people in the US, pick and choose which traditions and laws they wish to keep. A lot of people who claim membership to a church or temple only attend religious services on Holy Days. Catholics in New Orleans all love to celebrate the Mardi Gras, but only a small percentage will begin fasting on the following Wednesday. Very few American Jews keep Kosher anymore. And this woman who claims that being seen with her face uncovered, is against Muslim law, doesn't mind violating the ban on women driving.

I think my most prominent reason for being suspicious of environmentalists are their claims that scientists who support atmospheric warming are entirely accurate, while economists who warn that restrictions on fossil fuels will slow the economy, have no proof of their theories.

The National Council of Women's Organizations is urging a boycott of Masters Tournament sponsors to protest the Augusta National Golf Club's "men only" policy. The highlight of the debate for me, is that Tiger Woods was approached, and refused to sign on to the boycott. Taking a swing for freedom of association, Tiger remarked that he wouldn't be opposed to the private club's restrictions, even if they were split along racial lines. Easy for him to say. I don't think most clubs ever had restrictions against Thai-Americans.
There is a real reason why an athletic organization might want to discriminate against women. Different styles of play, and abilities between genders exist, and I thought that's why sports are traditionally segregated along gender lines. I can't help but wonder if The National Council of Women's Organizations would support ending the ban on men, from competing in the Women's PGA.

As the stock market plunges into record lows, and bargain hunters salivate like mall junkies on the day after Christmas, the pundits begin to speculate who is responsible for this drastic slide towards reasonable price-to-earnings ratios. I can't help but think that enemy number one are the Leftist Baby Boomers.
When the "don't trust anyone over thirty" crowd entered menopause and the AARP, something fascinating started to happen. They lost their long ingrained mistrust of capitalism, and with all the courage of the Temperance Society going into the speakeasy for a drink, jumped into the market. What probably encouraged it was seeing their kids making enormous money in Internet startups, they got a little jealous and wanted in on the action. Unfortunately, their educations were biased more heavily towards political science and women's studies, than economics and finance. Hence the spectacular 20% annual gains were reflecting not value, but an entire generation sticking their life savings into the market for the very first time.
I think the real tragedy of the market collapse is that their distrust of Capitalism has been redoubled. The clamor for investigating bankrupt corporations like Worldcom and Enron reflects that hatred. The biggest danger, is that this crash might repeat the 1929 advent of Roseveltian Socialism, and we'll have to wait another seventy-five years for a return to Constitutional government.

August 20, 2002

It recently occurred to me while sitting around a campfire in the woods of Northern Michigan that perhaps maximum biodiversity isn't always the optimum state of the earth  After swatting my fiftieth mosquito of the evening, I realized that if the entire genus and species of that annoying little creature were wiped from the face of the planet, I probably wouldn't shed a single tear.
So lets drain the wetlands and bring on the DDT. Do it for the sake of preventing the spread of West Nile Virus, and if any environmentalist has a complaint, Let's just tie him to a chair naked with his hands tied behind his back, and leave him in the woods until he comes around.

For a brief moment there, I really felt sorry for Martha Stewart. She is just the kind of perfect rich person that everybody loves to hate. I know that  the recipes and crafts she talks about were designed by one of the talented homosexuals working underneath her, and that when she entertains, she most likely does what everyone in her social bracket does: hires a caterer. But you have to admire that she turned her namesake company into a brand worth billions of dollars on the New York Stock exchange.
When I first heard that she was under investigation, I feared for her Liberty. It would be very difficult to assemble a Jury of 12 without at least one person whose dinner table always looked less then elegant, or who might have served a fallen soufflé to dinner guests, and had to confess  that she'll never be HALF the woman Martha Stewart® is. Emotions like envy and hate often compel people to find guilt where perhaps there is none. I was pretty sure that poor Martha would be working on window treatments that repeat the theme of "vertical bars" and picking a lipstick that compliments the orange in her new "Pantsuit." For a brief moment I even thought it would be an interesting idea for a cable network to continue filming her show from inside. Kind of like "Oz" meets "Trading Spaces."
Then I heard her blame the investigation on a "Republican Witch Hunt." (It's quite a poor choice of words, actually, considering the gender and disposition of the person being "Hunted" --sounds like she's admitting that they found one.) Maybe I'm a little jaded after the Clinton Administration, but when I hear a Democrat complain about a right wing conspiracy, I automatically assume guilt. Lock her up for even suggesting such a thing.

September 21, 2002

It recently occurred to me,  a space based Laser capable of pinpointing a supersonic missile traveling through space would be just as capable of vaporizing Osama bin Laden on his way to the outhouse. I think it might be worth the effort to fund this project.

Lance Bass, a member of the almost defunct teen pop group 'N Sync almost became the third space tourist. What made this trip so spectacular is that NASA is finally catching on to the idea, and for the first time is helped with the training. Perhaps their change of heart is because this trip was going to be documented by network TV, and sponsored by a soft drink company. More than likely though the real reason is, that NASA engineers all have teen age daughters, and they can't resist the opportunity of schmoozing a celebrity. I think this perspective is highlighted by the comment from shuttle pilot and father of two teenage daughters, Duane Carey, "What's exciting about this is getting a creative person up there..."
'N Sync creative? That's probably the first time those two words have ever appeared in a sentence before.

In the Post Office today, an unremarkably long line gave me the time to speculate on their management and marketing practices. Staring down at me from the wall was a life size poster of USPS spokesperson Lance Armstrong. It occurred to me how typically "Federal" the decision to hire this man as their spokesperson really was. While other shipping companies sponsor race cars that set  speed records and paint their logos on the sides of jet planes; the US postal service hires as their representative, a detesticled winner of a French bicycle race.

October 21, 2002

The Beltway is in lock down because of the mysterious shootings. One prime suspect jumps to mind, has anyone seen Ruby Ridge sniper FBI Agent Lon Horiuchi lately?

Christmas is truly an American Holiday. Yes it is based on European traditions, but we hijacked the holiday long ago. Santa Claus is based on European legends, but the man we recognize is based on Coca-Cola ads. Rudolph was a marketing scheme created by a copywriter over at Montgomery Ward. I seem to think "The Night before Christmas" was written as a Holiday promotion too. There might be a few European carols still on the holiday playlist, but they've been pushed to the bottom by the likes of Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole and Burl Ives. Dickensonian story themes have been replaced by Jimmy Stewart, Dr. Seuss, and Charles Shultz. Kids today are more familiar with the Daisy Red Ryder bb gun than Tiny Tim.
Before Edison there was simply no way to light the holidays the way we do now. It astounds me to think that some people used to put lit candles on a Christmas tree. I bet that tradition was started by the building trades.
In Europe, they don't put out  as many Christmas lights because there's always a war breaking out every thirty years or so, and they don't want to give the bombers anything to focus on. They also don't want to waste the precious electricity they need to power their radios and run the air raid sirens.
European countries also have high tariffs, and can't afford all the cheap Chinese Christmas decorations that we cherish over here. Thanks to 75 years of Communist rule in China, you now can get a string of 50 lights for under four bucks. It takes a good hour to find the bad bulb and untangle a string from last year; which means you're working for less than minimum wage, if you're not just throwing them away.
We might envy our cousins in Europe for their one month holiday every summer when all businesses shut down, but if you think about it, this country shuts down for almost a month and a half. From Thanksgiving to New Year's Day, America goes though six weeks of overeating, parties, and shopping. It's kind of like a capitalist Mardi-Gras before January brings the Resolutions and Visa bills, and we all swear, "never again."

December 16, 2002

Trent Lott uttered a few warm words for a retiring colleague, and the media went wild over it's implications. They ignored the possibility that Lott was getting nostalgic over Strom Thurmond's stance on limiting the size and scope of government. No, it was his policy of segregation that Lott must have been reminiscing fondly over.
Segregation was a public policy that condemned specific groups to a life of guaranteed poverty, and used government force and intimidation to perpetuate that policy. It was also proven by history to be misdirected. There is another government policy that has been proven wrong by History and that is Socialism. Certainly Socialism has been responsible for death, despair and limiting potential of individuals also. But the Democrats are allowed to harbor Socialist beliefs, and express them openly without ever being criticized.
The most disturbing part of the debate is, that Lott is being asked to resign for voicing support for a man who once held beliefs that are no longer politically correct.  One might wonder if someday, it will be an offense to say that you admire Thomas Jefferson, because that means you are in favor of Slavery.

A positive note from November election was, that Universal Health Care lost in Oregon by almost a four to one margin. Four to one. In OREGON. Could it be possible that everyone is waking up from the bureaucratic nightmare that is Single Payer Healthcare? A side benefit was that after looking at those results, Hillary Clinton remarked that she was way too "Liberal" to ever be elected president. We can only hope.

Al Gore has announced that he would not run for president in 2004. This is the man that wrote over twenty year ago that the internal combustion engine was the greatest threat to humankind. Most likely reason for his early concession is, that his new book is not selling. Even after an exhausting publicity tour to rival Whitney Houston, he couldn't break the top 500. Amazing that this brilliant man enlightened environmentalist, and inventor of the Internet, couldn't write a bestseller to save his political life.

A threatened transit strike in New York City forced officials to write contingency plans, which included allowing limousine and livery car drivers to pick up passengers. Perhaps another solution would be to abandon the laws which restrict the ability of gypsy cabs to operate within the City limits. I'm sure that if their monopoly were threatened, cab drivers would get back to work pronto.
For the rest of America, the such a disaster is inconceivable. Because Mr. and Mrs. Middle America moved out to the suburbs years ago, there just isn't a single Union that could threaten everyday travel. The worst thing that strands your average American is flat tires or dead batteries. This organized extortion is something to consider when you hear Urban planners talk about the benefits of increasing ridership on public transit.

Radical Left Wing Film maker Michael Moore recently released his new fictional Documentary "Bowling for Columbine." A portion of the film is a fawning Valentine for that Chilly Social Utopia to the North: Canada. In several interviews Moore would wax fondly about their peaceful culture, but one wonders, "If it's so perfect, why doesn't he move there?"
I've had the same question about news reader Peter Jennings, who never misses an opportunity to complain about America, the nation that has made him a millionaire many times over. The simple reason why they still call America home is good old fashioned self interest. Canadians with earnings in the neighborhoods of Jennings and Moore are taxed at a rate just shy of 90%.
Perhaps we should have them deported.